The best way to prepare for life is to begin to live.

The title sounds fitting. Quite a few people have written blogs talking about the end of college, how this is it, the end of the road? But is it? No. It isn't. In hindsight of not just the project, but the whole year, I can't help but feel lost, my own personal level of skill isn't at a high enough standard for industry, I know allot of people have gone off before and never put their qualification to any use, but I'd like to be one the few who do. Hopefully.

I'm out to be the best at what I do, it's honestly the only life goal that makes sense, I've never been interested in the contemporary industry, not because it bores me, but because it only appears to a select few, that's not what I want out of life, I want to get good, really good at what I do and entertain people because it's the only thing that makes sense in life in what I want to do. Maybes and most likely I'll get shot down, and I might never end up at the top, but I'll quite happily get there and fail if need be. Delusional? You bet. But why on Earth pursue a career you don't have a drive for? I talk to people studying Accountancy, Biology, Maths and English, people who study that because it's going to get them money, not because they have a passion for it and it's a waste as far as I'm concerned.

If there's anything I've learnt this year, it's to do what makes YOU happy, Choke was never a project that set with me, it's why it changed so much and so drastically, because the drive was never fully prominent and still isn't. I have a trailer prepared, but am I happy? Am I ever? No.

In all honestly, there's allot wrong with it, and I'm just not fully content, I'm really not happy with the use of really limited animation and that was only used because I was pushed for time and I just know I can do better. Much better. I like the premise, the idea, I think it works pretty well and I just want this to be a singular story arc, but I've come this far and I'm not about to knock it on the head now. I got ahold of some oven-baking clay, "Super Sculpey"and it's really great stuff, to coincide with my upcoming final show, I made a model of Piper...

I found that just being brown, he looked bare, so I added a pink tummy to him...

I realise the paint work isn't that great, I'm going to hopefully neaten it up and add some detail, it's something new, something I've never done before and I've enjoyed it to say the least. 

In further regards to my work, the quantity was without a doubt the largest I've ever handed in and I did get a real sense of accomplishment being rid of it and at the same time, there was so much which I wasn't content with and it's hard to find words, perhaps it's because an artist's work is never done, not that I consider myself an artist, merely a perfectionist. I've enjoyed the run, the competition and the drive to do better than what I'm capable of, I've seen my peers as friends and competitors, people who want what I want and people, who ultimately, I have to bypass, it applies for everyone, that each and every individual see's each and every other person as competition, at least that's how I've viewed the year and maybes it was wrong, that I aspired to be the best but alienated myself from allot of other things, maybes. 

But I applied for the course to leave with a qualification, and in the first year of my study, I didn't think I'd achieve that, it's only when I hit second year that my focus, my drive and ambition improved and it's seen me through the year. I've heard people say, "Grades don't matter, i'm only here to animate", if you're only there to animate, go home, because with the right equipment, anyone can produce something. What the course is, is about you changing, progressing, seeing the industry for what it is and leaving with an understanding of what this medium is built upon. I think I've achieved that.

So what's next? A 3rd year in education undoubtably, another year of practice would be beneficial towards my own learning. In terms of the blog, will it keep up? No. I could say yes but this blog isn't about ME, it's about MY learning and although i've tried to make it more personal, I like the idea of being able to reflect every now and then on my work and I might plan together a new blog, just to get up and off the ground, make something personal, more video's, images a good rant here and there to let off some steam, barely anyone reads a blog, I bet barely anyone reads THIS, but it's about getting an idea or opinion out of your mind and onto here so theres from for more and at least this way, you can reflect. To finish up, here's my showreel, it needs tinkering with, its pretty damn abysmal if I'm to be honest, but I'll work on it... I'm not worried about the final show, I'm worried about the fact that I don't know what exactly to do for it...

I'll figure something out...

I've done it before.

I can do it again. 

If you've followed my blog, I might add a bit more, but most likely, this'll be it for a while, I'll just be tying up my previous blog entries. So then, with this all said and done, thanks for reading.

Callum.

I don't wanna need you because I can't have you.

With only a few days left I feel like I should be panicking, that I should be tearing my hair out in a blind fury... What's left of it at least. Fact is I'm not worried, not at all and that in itself worries me about my approach to my work, maybes I've just hit rock bottom in the sense that I just want the year to be over or maybes I've become comfortable, personally I don't think it's either. I've really pushed myself and although I haven't gotten as much animation work as I'd like done, I've still got a damn lot to show for the past couple of month. In regards too my animation, as long as I get my first scene done, i'll be pleased, because I can end it with the cliche, "Coming soon" text, furthermore, I've got my speed painting along with an incomplete showreel, marvellous.

My main focus with the animation, Choke, is to have it complete by the time the Star and Shadow exhibition starts up, I'd like to have the animation coloured up but to a better degree than, well... This...

I think what I look forward too is waking up on Saturday morning, knowing it's all over... For now. I still need to make up my mind as to where I'm going next year and both Newcastle and Sunderland have their positive's and negative's, it's just another worry in my little paddling pool of self doubt. Pessimistic as always, aren't I?

So then! In regards too the OddCo work experience, it was a fun little task getting back into the 3D run and for an hours job I don't think I did too bad. What's that? They look like my old character's Coffee-Bean and Dr. Carbonate? Why yes! Yes, they are! I'm not going to lie I was terrified on the day of presentation, mainly because an OddCo representative was there and the reality sinks that, "shit... this is quite worrying..." But it went well, with my designs coming first place out of a class vote and that was honestly something I REALLY didn't expect. I explained that there would be a variety of character's each with multiple different colour schemes but also blank canvas character's to paint onto as well as commercial character's, say for instance Carbonates head could be a Coca-Cola flask, it was well received with the only gripe being that the arms on the characters were too sharp but that it was an easily fixed problem. All in all, I enjoyed it and it was nice taking a break from work just to sit down and do something different.

Finally, it came to mind that I still have an old animation from the beginning of the year which until last night, didn't even cross my mind that it was rigged and had a pre-existing animation, you thinking what I'm thinking? No. Oh... Well... If I can get it coloured up well in a decent environment, then it might be one extra thing to hand in at final show. I realise that the animation is horrible, it was the result of me getting carried away one night back in November of 2011... The years went quick!

Anyway, if you've read up to here, thanks, I wish everyone in the class the best of luck for Friday.

Trust me.

You'll need it.

Success is the sum of small efforts, repeated day in and day out.

I admit, my posts haven't been as frequent, or as in depth as I'd like them to be as of late, I've been doing what I can in the small amount of time which remains. Last and today I put written work to the side and focused on what I enjoyed most, doing nothing animating. I've been so wrapped up in what has to be done that I've let slide my main focus, Choke, the animation and honestly it's been a breath of fresh air being able to just sit down and FINALLY get into a work flow which feels right but without a doubt, enjoyable. I've been fairly alien to After Effects this year and now it just feels nice to work with, it makes me feel like I'm 15 again, making video's on Sony Vegas, tedious and time consuming but so enjoyable just to get all the little tweaks correct.  

Speaking of Sony Vegas, I've found one of the last video's I produced when I use to hoard my little video's onto Youtube.

It's one of the few which I actually like, even 3 years or so after I made it. Without a doubt I'd like to reproduce the video and sync it to the entire music piece attached to it, that being Groundhog (Beat Juggle) from DJ Hero. It's no surprise that I dropped the project, the syncing later on in the track would've been a nightmare and I specifically remember this video struggling near the end, that, and I was using my old PC which I had a love-hate relationship with... It would either work really well, or blue screen... Was usually the latter. Dragonball GT, though an incredibly flawed series seemed to fit the song better than Dragonball or Z, so without a doubt, come Summer, I may just spend a couple of days gathering the footage, going back to Vegas and get myself reacquainted with an old love of mine, video editing. 

Now then, what else? Oh yeah! OddCo... Wait, I'll leave that till a later post so it's a stand alone, that last segment really doesn't suit being included in a post about industry related work. Now, like I said before, I've been working on my animation and am thoroughly enjoying it, the entire first scene is actually nearly done which is honestly surprising, it hasn't taken that long. Given that the deadline is next friday, May 11th, I know fine well I won't get finished in time, not with other work being prominent as well, my goal is to do what I can up until then and then try and get it all rounded up by the time final show comes around, if that fails then I'll make a trailer advertising the "This Is Not An Exit"  show we're exhibiting come July. I'm worried, terrified in fact but sadly I'm only human and can only do so much. 

To round off this post, here's a quality botched version of my introduction, it's not finished yet, I'd like to add a few little bits and bobs if I can but I like the music... 

I think that's all I like.